no secret formula

You know, there are exactly TWO reasons why I'm currently 65lbs overweight.

First, I eat too much.  I eat too much healthy food.  I eat too much fast food.  I eat too much salty, sweet, fresh, cooked, organic, fried, paleo, vegan, EFL, and diet-out-the-window food.  I often don't really think that I do, but I do.

Second, I don't move enough.  I have a sedentary job, and I'm always functioning on a sleep deficit.  I'm not active and athletic, as somehow I seem to believe that I am.  I sit.  I sleep.  I stand.  I cook.  I drive.  I parent.  I watch from the sidelines.  I may be evolutionarily evolved to be this creature that walks, hunts, gathers, and runs from predators, but I'm not doing ANY of that right now.

And the possible third reason?  Well, it's a lot of things all rolled into one: EXCUSES.  I often let myself fall into this victim mentality where I feel deprived.  I feel like I've never gotten to have the things that I want.  I let myself think that when I can get something for myself, I should.  The biggest thing that I do let myself have when I "shouldn't" is food.  Fast food, specifically.  I have discovered that I don't know how to deny myself food.  It's crazy, because I'm so good at denying myself in every other area of life, but if I want/need/wish to enjoy crappy food, I "treat" myself because I can and because I enjoy it.

I study nutrition.  I know how to eat.  I know how to listen to my body.  I know food combining, the scientific process of protein or fat vs. carbohydrate metabolism.  I know that food is fuel for our bodies.  I know how to pick wisely.

I also know how to obsess and let food rule my day -- my life, even.    I plan my  meals and meal times.  I figure out what and when to eat so that I don't slip up.  When I'm watching the scale, I'm measuring morsels and weighing bites and thinking about what would be GOOD for me to consume.  I enslave myself to my diet and try to figure out why I'm so hungry and how to work around it.  I get up early and stay up late to plan menus and grocery lists.  And after about two weeks, I get fed up with how it consumes my life that I give up and stop planning and really... stop caring.  Then I start grabbing fast food (grilled chicken and diet soda) because my time is suddenly eaten up with taking care of everything I let slack when I was ruled by my diet.  Laundry, organization, work, bills, kids, etc.  I find myself in this loop over and over and over and over.

I really just want it to be as simple as eat less, move more.  I really want to be active and fit and athletic and strong.  I really just want to eat when I'm hungry and make good choices whenever that time is with whatever I have available.  I want to live my life, eat good food, and be active.  I'm on a quest to find this balance.  I know that I have to balance every area in my life and allow me to take care of me in an area other than diet and exercise, though, or it'll all unravel in about two weeks' time.

No answers or real epiphanies here in this blog.  Just cold hard facts that I'm facing.  Thanks for enjoying the ride with me, folks.