Working in one's strengths

Dave Ramsey says to work in your strengths; that no amount of money will ever really be enough if you're working in a job that you hate.  I feel like he took the words out of my mouth, but he says it so much better than I.  In reality, I suppose he'd better -- he gets paid to say stuff like that and make people believe him enough to actually CHANGE! 

He's good.  It worked.  In fact, last night's class started some wheels in my mind turning.  I've always been thankful for my career for what it allows me to do, but I sometimes hate it, too.  The parts that I dislike are small things that I can typically overlook because the benefits so clearly outweigh them.  For instance, I work from home 100%.  Sometimes this means a flexible schedule and not missing my kids.  Other times it means isolation and never showering and getting dressed in a timely manner and therefore never really feeling anything other than frumpy.  I also work for live television.  Sometimes that means that I truly get paid to sit and watch TV for a living.  Other times it means that I sit on my butt and have to tune everyone and everything out to work the hours of day and week that everyone else is relaxing and enjoying time off (ie, weekends and holidays). 

If I could do anything I wanted with my time, assuming money was not an issue, there are so many things I'd do!  I'd love to be a midwife and lactation consultant.  I'd love to be a personal trainer and nutrition counselor.  I'd like to be a life coach.  I'd like to be a perpetual student and teacher all rolled into one.  I'd love public speaking.  I love writing.  I miss being on the stage, too.  I'd learn guitar.  I'd take vocal lessons.  There are so many things that I am very passionate about that have absolutely no time or place in my life right now because I'm too busy focusing on this great opportunity of a career so that I can be who and where my family needs me to be. 

Is that really okay?  Or am I rolling down a road headed towards burnout?  I know that I'm not feeding my soul with what I'm doing now... but I am feeding my family. 

I went on a jog with a neighbor this morning, and you know what I enjoyed even more than the fresh air, exercise, and conversation?  I enjoyed the inspiration and the coaching aspect of it.  I loved setting the time, place, picking the workout, and then cheering her on.  It made me want to run farther and harder than I would have if I were just doing it for myself.  So while I often get chastised (by myself and others) for always putting everyone ahead of my own needs, I have to realize that I am wired that way for a reason. 

I have always known that everything life has thrown my way has been for a specific purpose, and that is to help others along the same journey.  It's who I am.  And now it's time to find a way to integrate all of my professional skills and personal strengths into one amazing path.  I know that I can find fulfillment once I'm walking along the path that was predestined for me. 

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two in one day??

I, the perpetually infrequent blogger, am attempting something new -- TWO POSTS IN ONE DAY!  I know, I know, it's unthinkable, right?  :)

I took about 30 minutes to do some yardwork today, and the sunlight, fresh air, and green things growing always makes me contemplate the deeper things in life.  You know, the things that don't revolve around diapers and sippy cups and little league baseball or junior rodeo.  The things that existed before I became what I am today -- a mommy.

Those things are so far removed from me most days that I forget they are even there.  Some of them are good, some are great, and some downright stink, but they all come together to paint the picture of me, Stacey Marie.

Here is one bad thing that I want to make a conscious effort to change:

I am not a strong finisher.  I rarely start a project and see it through until its completion.  In fact, I tend to do just the opposite.  I start strong, go hard, and fizzle out just before it's all the way done.  I do this in most every area of my life!  With laundry, I start it, dry it, fold it...  start some more, dry some more, fold some more.  Start some more, dry some more...  Then somehow something else has my attention and I inevitably leave a wet load in the wash, a dry and wrinkling load in the dryer, and myriads of folded laundry stashed on top of the dryer, in baskets, on my couch, or in my window seat.

When I cook, I shop, chop, steam, broil, bake, serve, and eat.  I rarely clear the table and clean the whole kitchen after the meal.  I *WANT* it to be done, and I believe it's how it should be done, but I don't do it.  I just let it stress me out that it's not done.

When I start a yard project, I do just that.  I start it.  I start closet projects.  I start remodeling projects.  I start scrapbooks.  I start diets.  I start exercise plans.  I start bible studies.  I start mommy groups.

I want to be a finisher.  I will work on this.

And to balance out the thought process, one great thing about me that I want to make sure stays around forever is my positive outlook on life.  I am constantly looking for the silver lining and make certain that whatever happens in my life that doesn't take me down builds me up.  I like living this way -- otherwise, I'd be so defeated, bitter, and angry at the cards life has dealt me that I'd die lonely and alone.  I like being positive, uplifting, strong and happy.  :)

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no secret formula

You know, there are exactly TWO reasons why I'm currently 65lbs overweight.

First, I eat too much.  I eat too much healthy food.  I eat too much fast food.  I eat too much salty, sweet, fresh, cooked, organic, fried, paleo, vegan, EFL, and diet-out-the-window food.  I often don't really think that I do, but I do.

Second, I don't move enough.  I have a sedentary job, and I'm always functioning on a sleep deficit.  I'm not active and athletic, as somehow I seem to believe that I am.  I sit.  I sleep.  I stand.  I cook.  I drive.  I parent.  I watch from the sidelines.  I may be evolutionarily evolved to be this creature that walks, hunts, gathers, and runs from predators, but I'm not doing ANY of that right now.

And the possible third reason?  Well, it's a lot of things all rolled into one: EXCUSES.  I often let myself fall into this victim mentality where I feel deprived.  I feel like I've never gotten to have the things that I want.  I let myself think that when I can get something for myself, I should.  The biggest thing that I do let myself have when I "shouldn't" is food.  Fast food, specifically.  I have discovered that I don't know how to deny myself food.  It's crazy, because I'm so good at denying myself in every other area of life, but if I want/need/wish to enjoy crappy food, I "treat" myself because I can and because I enjoy it.

I study nutrition.  I know how to eat.  I know how to listen to my body.  I know food combining, the scientific process of protein or fat vs. carbohydrate metabolism.  I know that food is fuel for our bodies.  I know how to pick wisely.

I also know how to obsess and let food rule my day -- my life, even.    I plan my  meals and meal times.  I figure out what and when to eat so that I don't slip up.  When I'm watching the scale, I'm measuring morsels and weighing bites and thinking about what would be GOOD for me to consume.  I enslave myself to my diet and try to figure out why I'm so hungry and how to work around it.  I get up early and stay up late to plan menus and grocery lists.  And after about two weeks, I get fed up with how it consumes my life that I give up and stop planning and really... stop caring.  Then I start grabbing fast food (grilled chicken and diet soda) because my time is suddenly eaten up with taking care of everything I let slack when I was ruled by my diet.  Laundry, organization, work, bills, kids, etc.  I find myself in this loop over and over and over and over.

I really just want it to be as simple as eat less, move more.  I really want to be active and fit and athletic and strong.  I really just want to eat when I'm hungry and make good choices whenever that time is with whatever I have available.  I want to live my life, eat good food, and be active.  I'm on a quest to find this balance.  I know that I have to balance every area in my life and allow me to take care of me in an area other than diet and exercise, though, or it'll all unravel in about two weeks' time.

No answers or real epiphanies here in this blog.  Just cold hard facts that I'm facing.  Thanks for enjoying the ride with me, folks.

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